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What are Book Bans?

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Everything is great right now so I thought why not discuss a topic we all agree on: book bans. I am referring to the many, disgustingly different flavors of liberal and conservative book bans.
Let’s take a look at them both to see how they differ and what they have in common.

Spoiler alert: They’re identical because they’re both stupid.

What are Book Bans?

Book bans are actions that have the unintended or intended effect of creating a barrier between the reader and the book.

What is the point of prohibiting sales of books? This is a ban. How to prevent the distribution of a book Ban. Ban. Ban. Ban. Ban.

Are you refusing to add Fifty Shades of Grey in a middle school library collection? This is not a ban. You think a book isn’t very good? It is not a ban. Is it possible for a publisher to stop printing an unpopular or undesirable book? It is not a ban.

Yes, there are other behavior that could and should be banned, but the majority of them are covered here. We are good to go.


You prefer to ban whole topics, rather than just certain books. You use a broad approach to banning any topic that touches on race.

Your bans are weaker than your politics. You don’t know when you should say “None for my, thanks but you go ahead.” This could be because your child isn’t ready for a book. Maybe the way you raise your child isn’t the best. It might not be the worst, but it isn’t the best. You won’t explore other options, and your children will suffer from that lack of intellectual curiosity. Instead of raising independent thinkers, you are raising children who rely on their parents to tell them what is right and wrong in each situation.

Let me tell you: When asked when they first discovered they were gay, nobody answers “Oh, no, I wasn’t gay. But then, I read a book about two gay characters as a teenager. Although I wasn’t attracted to my gender before, it seemed like a good idea so I gave it a try.” Nobody uses drugs simply because they are exposed to the possibility of using drugs in a novel. Nobody read the last Harry Potter book, then gave up and sacrificed a goat to the woods. A book is not the turning point.

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Talking to one gay person, one addict to drugs, or someone who doesn’t go to church every week would show you that having easy access to books isn’t a problem.


Your willingness to wear enamel pins worth $28 dollars that shout “I read banned books” while taking part in a walkout that effectively bans a book is what really bugs me.

There are many great words I have heard about liberal book bans.

The conservatives are able to admit that they talk about putting books on fire to protect their values. I will take an honest dumbass to a smart liar.

It is yours to own. Recognize that intellectual freedom and banning books are not compatible. You may feel it’s justifiable, and it might be. While I don’t intend to disagree with you, I do believe that banning books is a way to achieve a goal. You are sacrificing intellectual freedom for one ideal. If the weapon of your choice is a ban on books, you should treat it like an atomic weapon. You must acknowledge what you are doing, accept its terrifying power, and make peace with it. Don’t be surprised by the consequences if the winds shift and the tactics used to censor books that you love. Don’t think it’s a big deal.

Your bans seem to be more connected to writer behavior than specific books’ contents. Junot Diaz and Sherman Alexie are two writers whose books have been long-respected and have since been withdrawn from many places. People who hadn’t read Andy Ngo or Woody Allen books were unable to ban them. They were basing their bans on the behavior that the writers had displayed up until then. It’s not the books that are being banned, but the author’s actions in the real world. It feels good to punish the author in a way that is fair and justifiable. These people are the ones you have to crack to create your utopic omelette.

Your bans have the most disgusting aspect: while conservatives cry about the children, your bans target books that are aimed at adults. This means you treat adults as children. This means that your bans are accompanied by moral and intellectual superiority. You’ve already figured out that this book was inaccurate or a bad author, and you are saving me from having to make the same mistake again. You make me feel like I should be grateful. My hero. My hero.

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What both of you agree on

Both of you are hypocrites. Liberals: You supposedly don’t enjoy censorship but you will go for it when there is a bad guy that needs to be punished. Conservatives: While you believe that government shouldn’t interfere in your affairs, you will run to Congress and the school board to protect your children from critical race theory.

Both of you are under the false impression that book bans can be used to stop the spread and distribution of books. Many writers have bought…no, not a house but a nice coffee table because of the book ban.

Both of you fail to realize that books are more about reality than they shape it. Banning a book to solve an issue is like kicking a mirror to get rid of your acne.

Both of you fail to realize that books are a Practice Mode for your life. Books are a safe place to explore and confront bad, stupid, or crazy ideas. Both of you fail to realize that these are things we all will encounter in our lives. Reading a book first gives readers the chance to reflect on how they would react and what they might do.

It is rare that you have ever read the material before taking part in the ban. It would be helpful if you did. It would make you look less foolish.

Both of you get your book news through the same biased sources that provide your regular news. Both of you are acting on hot take to get clicks and rile up.

You both often compare one another to Nazis, oh, and holy sh*t! Did you know Nazi scientists tried to conjoin twins by sewing two siblings together. You know, multiple times. It’s easy to compare someone who attends a PTA meeting to someone who organizes a walkout at the publisher to someone who strapped a child in a chair with a device which smashed a wrench into his head repeatedly until it went completely insane.

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The Advice Portion

My Advice for Conservatives:

Take out the books that your children have been assigned and read them with them. Then, talk to them about what you think. Ask your children open-ended questions such as “How did this section make you feel?” and “What would you do in that situation?” Discuss your beliefs and what books reflect them. If not, how and why. Although I hesitate to admit it, books that are in conflict with your moral values can be great tools for reaffirming the ideals of your family.

You can bring up the fact that a curriculum favors one political view and suggest some replacements or additions to balance it. This is better than requesting the removal of material and creating a vacuum. You might ask for a list of choices rather than one prescribed book in a reading assignment. You’re constantly talking about resilience and how to get out of a jam. Your kid won’t make it if he or she is destroyed by a book.

My Advice to Liberals

Writing, publishing, marketing, and distributing books that reflect your values is the best way to go. Also, ask for copies at your local bookstores. Read, rate, and write reviews of books that you think do good work. You didn’t attempt to ban the book because of the way you dealt with the American Dirt situation. The problem isn’t American Dirt. It’s an industry. American Dirt is one example. Banning American Dirt wouldn’t have solved the problem, or even addressed it.

The sales of social-justice-minded books in 2020 were enormous, a juggernaut. Black Panther was a phenomenal success story when Ta-Nehisi coates published it. You’re not the underdogs of the book world. Instead, you’re winning culture war in the world. This means that you have the freedom to choose what you want. Instead of fighting for what you don’t love, you can fight for what you love.

My Advice for People Who Do Not Engage in Book Bans

These other dipshits are not to be trusted.

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